Rumble Seat

I'm going to share a secret joy with you. It's one of the things I do in my private life that provides an abundance of personal pleasure. Now there are a number of activities that might match that description, but here I am referring to reading car reviews. Shocking I know.

I am not a big auto-tech head, I don't subscribe to automobile magazines and, except for a year or so in the early 80s, I never have. I wasn't all that interested in automobile reviews until 2004. That is the year that Dan Neil of the Los Angeles Times won the Pulitzer Prize for Criticism. His Pulitzer citation read:

For distinguished criticism, Ten thousand dollars ($10,000).

Awarded to Dan Neil of the Los Angeles Times for his one-of-a-kind reviews of automobiles, blending technical expertise with offbeat humor and astute cultural observations.

Technical expertise, offbeat humor and astute cultural observations? This I had to see, or rather read and since I have had a subscription to the Times since, well, forever, checking out Dan Neil proved to be quite an easy task. It also proved to be addicting as Dan is everything the Pulitzer people said he is. I offer as evidence of this a few bon mots from some recent reviews:

Suzuki SX4 Crossover--April 23, 2008

As a company, Suzuki often seems a riddle wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma, stuffed into a slightly shoddy handbag that smells of cheese. On the one hand, you have the motorcycle side of the company, maker of end-times miracles such as the Hayabusa and the GSX-R. These are completely and utterly fantastic bikes, virtually without peer, especially if you like going 300 mph in first gear. The company also makes scooters, ATVs and outboard motors, and I hear they are pretty good too.

On the other hand, you have the automotive side of the business. I wonder if, given the uneven track record of American Suzuki, a busload of auto execs and a busload of Suzuki Method violin teachers somehow got switched, and now eager 5-year-olds are learning how to charge extra for undercoating.

I actually laugh out loud at this stuff.

2009 Acura TSX: bells and whistles, but no charisma--April 30, 2008

If we accept that there is something interesting about every car, then the 2009 Acura TSX tests this proposition to the breaking point. Is it well made? Are Oprah's diamond earrings real? Of course, it's well made. It's a lux'ed-up, Euro-spec Honda Accord, re-badged as an Acura and aimed at America's young and upwardly mobile petit-bourgeoisie, assuming we have any left.

Is it well equipped? Like a Chippendales show. Acura has always employed the irresistible logic of more is better. The TSX (starting at $28,960) comes standard with a big, beautiful navigation system, heated leather seats, a moonroof and plenty of other upmarket swirlies. Acura simply refuses to yield the value equation. If one of its competitors offered a device to allow telepathic communication with small rodents, you can be sure that the TSX would offer Acura's HamsterLink technology, and it would come standard with the nav system.

Is it attractive? I think the word is clinical. Rarely do you see a design that is so obviously driven by the marketers' metaphorical imperatives -- high-tech but not alienating, sleek but safe, and precisely 23.88% richer and more upmarket than the Accord. Thus the curious polished metal orthodontia in the grille. This thing has a front toof like Ollie.

Does it drive well? Absolutely. If you are benchmarking front-wheel-drive, 3,419-pound sedans with 201-hp four-cylinder engines, it drives beautifully. A deep serenity presides over the ride quality, abetted by barbiturate-like quiet and cabin isolation. Push the car a little harder into turns and, yes, you'll wish you had more steering feel -- or some -- and you'll eventually invoke the disapproval of the stability control system. But the TSX has its shoes laced up tight. Lots of traction, plenty of agility and a willingness to do as it's told that borders on slavishness.

But is the TSX interesting, compelling or unforgettable in some emotional way? Will it wake you out of a dead sleep with asphalt-gnawing desire? Will you lie and embezzle or pimp out your dog to get one? Probably not.

It's an excellent car and well worth the money. But when it comes to charisma, compared to the likes of the Mercedes-Benz C300, the Audi A4, the BMW 328i, the Acura surrenders like Lee at Appomattox.

And finally:

A BMW only a mama could love--March 19, 2008

Let's begin with a verity, an undeniable truth that is evident from 3 feet away or from the cold distance of outer space: The new 1-series BMW is ugly. Seriously ugly. Ugly with X-wings locked in attack formation. Spare me your E.H. Gombrich or Helen Gardner. I know an ugly car when one blows past me at 100 mph.

Ugly cars are unusual, for very good reasons. Auto companies are vast organizations, with billions of dollars invested, and tens of thousands of employees, some of whom can actually see to pick out their own ties. Also, in an age of computer-aided design, virtual modeling and rapid prototyping, ugly can usually be rooted out and burned at the stake before the first tooling is purchased. Usually.

My point in sharing this with you is not to piss you off because you don't have an LA Times subscription, that would be just plain mean. No, rather it is to share with you the joy of Dan Neil's writing and to let you know that you can read it on-line at this address. New reviews arrive every Wednesday,

A year ago I could not share this with you though I wanted to. The reason was the horrid state of the Los Angeles Times website. It was clunky, confusing and butt-ugly. However, with the new owners has come a new commitment to the Internet and the Times website is now a sleek and sassy joy to peruse. Check it out and you may be surprised. OK, they need to put their comics on-line, but other than that, the site is pretty damn good.