Because You'll Believe Anything

I was shaving this morning, an activity I do only a few times a week. I have a beard and mustache and that allows me some flexibility in when I have to shave, so it isn't a daily occurrence. Anyway, today I was standing there holding a razor I first borrowed from my son and then later ended up getting one on my own. It's a Gillette Fusion, one of those bizarre looking five-bladed razors with a head the size of a Buick.

The first time I picked one up I thought, You've got to be kidding!, how can I shave with this monstrosity? It is not insubstantial and my first thought was that it was made solely for people without beards, 'cause this thing is going to be tough to maneuver around my face. But you know what? The damn thing gives me the smoothest shave I have ever had.

My only beef is that I feel like a fool using it. I remember when the Trac II razor, the first razor with more than one blade, first came out and the commercials they put out describing it. They said how the first blade pulls your hair and the second blade cuts it off and though it sounded sort of reasonable there was that Saturday Night Live commercial that had us all wondering. It went like this...

Triple-Trac

Announcer.....Andrew Duncan

Caveman.....Al Franken

[ FADE IN on a caveman on his knees by a river ]

Announcer (V/O): In the dawn of civilization, long before the Bronze Age, man first began his search for the close shave.

[ The caveman takes a club and hits himself in the face. DISSOLVE to the announcer speaking to the camera against a black background ]

Announcer: Since then, man has been ardently striding to design the perfect shaving instrument.

[ Shots of various razors are shown ]

Announcer (V/O): From the straight razor, to the safety razor, to the injector system, and finally the highly acclaimed twin-blade cartridge.

[ The announcer picks up a twin-blade and shows it to the camera ]

Announcer: Almost perfect, yet not quite the superlative groom. Introducing the Triple-Trac.

[ DISSOLVE to a close-up of the three-bladed Triple-Trac razor ]

Announcer (V/O): Not just two blades in one system, but three stainless, platinum teflex-coated blades melded together to form one incredible shaving cartridge, easily fitted into your old twin-blade holder. Triple-Trac's triple-threat cartridge, with more close shaves than ever before. Here's how it works.

[ DISSOLVE to a cartoon showing a how the Triple-Trac shaves a whisker ]

Announcer (V/O): The first blade grabs at the whisker, tugging it away from your face to protect it from the second blade.

[ The cartoon shows how the Triple-Trac yanks painfully at the whisker ]

Announcer (V/O): Blade number two catches and digs into the stubble before it has the chance to snap back and injure you, pulling it farther out so that it is now ready for shearing.

[ The cartoon shows an even more painful whisker-yanking ]

Announcer (V/O): Triple-Trac's third blade, a finely-honed bonded platinum instrument, cuts cleanly through the whisker at its base, leaving your face as smooth as a billiard ball.

[ Finally, the cartoon shows the Triple-Trac completely shaving the whisker ]

[ DISSOLVE back to the announcer against the black background, holding up a Triple-Trac ]

Announcer: The Triple-Trac. Because you'll believe anything.

[ FADE ]