A number of things have occurred in the past week or two to make me take a second look at CSI: Miami. When I first looked a this show, I spoke of just how awful it was; just how badly written and poorly acted the entire series was. So where could I be going now? Why would I come back for a second critical look? Well, three reasons really.First, last week the A&E Network began running the show five nights a week, beginning with the first season, 2003. Out of curiosity I peeked in and what I found was shocking: it's good! For that first season CSI: Miami was really a good show. No over-acting hammy shit from star David Caruso. No suspects confessing at the drop of a hat. Real forensic work leading to the solving of crimes. No "baby girl, baby boy" shortcut to characterization nonsense, just good scripts being well executed. Like I said: shocking! If you get a chance to catch some of the first season, I think you'll like it.
The second reason for looking at this show again was an article in the Los Angeles Times that ran this week. It spoke of the show's season opener, which was filmed partly in Brazil, and how appropriate that was as the show has become a world-wide phenomenon. CSI: Miami is now the most watched U.S. television show in the world, seen by more the 50 million people each week. The article states:
"CSI: Miami" is the No. 9 show in the U.S. But it's the top-rated U.S. show in France, Italy and Germany and ranks second in Portugal and the Netherlands. Among dramas, it is No. 2 in Spain, No. 3 in Canada and Britain, and No. 7 in Australia.
Unless the rest of the world is watching three-year-old episodes, I just don't get it. But, with an open mind, I watched the first episode of the 2006 season, which is...
The third reason for this second look at this third-rate show. Ah, CSI: Miami, what a breath of stale air you are! Cheesy, laughable dialog, ham-bone over-the-top acting, cliches instead of characterization, plot twists you can see coming from across a football stadium, plot holes you can drive a large semi through, suspects confessing at the drop of a sombrero! This show has it all!!!!
A few scattered observations:
- For a show set in Rio there was an obvious omission of women in thongs. I guess this is the result of the Gestapo tactics employed by the FCC, which is turning American TV into a bland, vanilla wasteland. This is just downright insulting.
- I have noticed that I don't really mind all the shots of David Caruso's carrot-top hair blowing in the wind, but the shots of his eyebrows fluttering in the breeze are starting to seriously creep me out.
- When you only show one suspect for a crime they have to be the one who did it. You can't pull someone out of nowhere (in this case a house painter you didn't know was there) and suddenly say "they did it." Actually, in typical CSI: Miami style, the house painter is the one who says he did it. He confesses when they tell him that an electronic nose detected that house paint had been near the victim. I'd be laughing if this show didn't consider that great plot acceleration.
- Even if they are supposed to be the "good guys," the stars of a show are not allowed to go to another country and murder people.
- You are not allowed to prolong a plot by not speaking what has to be said. In this episode they do just that; Horatio has an opportunity to tell someone something that will stop the plot in its tracks, but instead says, "We need to talk," giving the character an opportunity to leave rather than hear the truth. But then again, piss-poor writing is the hallmark of this show.
I'll be catching Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip from now on.
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